If you find yourself confused about what conditional and unconditional love mean, then we invite you to continue reading this article during which we will expand on the differences between both types of love.
The first thing we want to say about unconditional love is that it tends to be idealized, a product of the various conditional love stories. So, the most common is to think that unconditional love is the immediate opposite of conditional love. However, true love is a concept in itself and is not the mere contradiction or opposition of conditional love. That is why next we will talk about the differences between these two types of love. Besides, it is good for everyone to be able to distinguish good love from toxic love. In this article we are going to define toxic love as the type of love that makes us sick, that brings drama to our lives and that does not make us grow as people, but rather stagnates us.
What is conditional love?
In most couples, this is the love that is observed, where both people have a way of dealing with their feelings in a selfish way. That is, instead of trying to improve or develop as a person, they choose to try to change their partner or fall in love with their own idealizations about how the partner should be, without realizing that the partner is as it is.
Among other characteristics, it is a love that does not accept the other as it is, but tries to change it so that it matches the idealized image of the person, taking into account that the model is not real and many times it is not possible either. We can say that it is a dominant and possessive love that is detached from the intolerances that people have. Another characteristic is that it morally judges the feelings and principles of the other. Without leaving much room for empathy or for the other to argue explaining why he is the way he is. Being that most couples live this love, it is not because they decide so, but rather it is something unconscious. People idealize the other and fight to achieve the expectations of perfection in the other person, without realizing it.
What is unconditional love?
The first thing we want to say is that very few people experience this type of love, since it is one of the purest and most difficult to achieve, it requires deep personal development, often only being achieved through meditation or therapy, where the focus be to improve in this aspect. In addition, it is one of the most difficult to achieve, since it means that one has found someone special, with whom we can fall in love with the person as he is.
We refer to that “true love”, which is that we can accept with love that the other person comes with their strengths and their flaws and so do we. That is why it is said that loving yourself is essential to being able to love others. All this, within the framework that the other person does not harm us.
In some toxic relationships, there is a tendency to accept the other as he is and consequently, infidelities, cheating, painful situations, situations where physical and/or mental integrity are in danger, etc. are usually accepted. Therefore, it is essential to clarify that we are not referring to acceptance in this type of case. This type of love is so pure that it is capable of prioritizing the well-being of the couple over its own, without putting conditions. That is, unconditional love is not possessive or intolerant. That is why it is so difficult to build a relationship of unconditional love. People are prepared to measure love through morality, with respect to the way the other person wants, we involve the way the other makes us feel, etc.
conditions for love
One of the first things that individuals must do is to start thinking as a couple, for that they must put aside their own ideas about what is right and what is wrong and start talking about it, with the purpose of building a shared moral and in the future, a shared life.
Also, despite the fact that human beings have a predefined nature, in some cases we must try to lower the intensity of certain traits that we have. Some examples of that are being possessive or jealous. You have to try to accept yourself for what you are, as long as you don’t harm the other. And try not to set too many expectations regarding what you want to become. Love can be a complicated task, but without a doubt, it can bring us various rewards. Now that we have exposed the notable differences between conditional and unconditional love, then it is good for you to ask yourself, what kind of relationship are you building? One that leads to conditional love or unconditional love? Are they going towards a healthy relationship or a toxic one?