Self-esteem is in fashion, its importance has never been talked about like today. Seminars, courses are held and, in extreme cases, everything that goes wrong is attributed to a “lack” of self-esteem. Self-esteem is a hackneyed and conflicting concept: if you have a lot of it, they call you narcissistic, egotistical and self-righteous; if you have little, they rebuke you for being weak. This leads to curious situations: if we do not have enough love for ourselves or, on the contrary, we have too much, we feel guilty. Social pressure requires having a “good self-esteem”, to the point of becoming a kind of obsession.
The difference between those who have “too much” and those who have “too much” is that guilt and discomfort hit the latter much more than those who have too much. The lack of self-esteem is now “another thing” that is added to the accumulation of pressures with which these people live.
The starting point
If you think you have self-esteem problems or someone has told you or insinuated you, surely you have heard these phrases: “love yourself”, “feel good about your body”, “accept your defects”, “value yourself” .
These slogans can only serve for a while, because in reality a change of attitude is necessary.
Maybe you need to listen to some points that you have overlooked to finally change your attitude: Stop hurting yourself and think of someone you love: a family member, a partner, a friend or a friend and why not? a pet. Could you hurt him on purpose? Would you tell him “how bad you look today”, “you are useless” or “you are the worst in the world”? Probably not. So why do you do it with yourself?
Even if you don’t give yourself praise or compliments, at least stop insulting and punishing yourself, that will be a very good first step.
Don’t beat yourself up for not having high self-esteem like everyone else, because that’s just forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. Look at your present, as it is and look at yourself, as you are. Discover your fears and defects, accepting them is an unavoidable first step to change them. There is no one who is perfect, why should you be? Loving yourself is learned. It may be that right now you don’t see it so clearly and you don’t know how to feel good, but it is something that comes with time. Maybe you planned to start loving yourself when you become your ideal person, when you manage to receive yourself or when you have a better job or when you lose weight and have the physical state you always wanted. Better start loving you now because that person you want to be is germinating right now and your own love will be like the water that irrigates a small plant and will allow it to grow. What you don’t do for yourself won’t come from outside. A partner is not going to solve your self-esteem problem and quite the contrary, it can aggravate the situation. If you are a person who does not love yourself, it is likely that your relationship is full of insecurities, fears and jealousy. You will have heard the phrase “no one can love another if they do not love themselves”, it contains a great truth. If you can’t be alone and you can’t stand being who you are, how do you expect someone else to change that? It will probably help you forget how you feel and make you more secure and happy, but what will happen to you when that relationship ends? Respect yourself. Stop eating badly (whether you do it in a small or large quantity or that you consume unhealthy foods), do not neglect your hygiene and your presence, do not consume toxic substances and stay away from relationships that harm you. Respect your hours of sleep, the quality of your food, your cleanliness, give a preponderant place to your creativity or your intellect, choose well the people with whom you relate, you will progressively begin to feel better. Feeling beautiful and attractive is important, but it is not everything. This is a very common idea: thinking that feeling attractive will solve your self-esteem problem. Makeup and your hair, designer clothes and a luxurious car are useless if you feel bad inside. You can feel better if you care about your appearance, but the important thing is that you agree with yourself to feel good. You are not born with self-esteem, you learn to have it. In our childhood we form the relationships that we will later have with the world and with ourselves. If as children we receive constant comments such as “what a fool you are”, “you do everything wrong”, “you are going to ruin it”, “you were wrong again”, “don’t make an effort, you are useless for this”, “you are not like you brother”, we store them in our mind and lead us to have a wrong concept of ourselves. Separate the straw from the wheat, do not be guided only by what you have been told, pass it all through the sieve of your intelligence or your heart. If you have been told “you can’t”, add the word “yet”. If as children we receive constant comments such as “what a fool you are”, “you do everything wrong”, “you are going to ruin it”, “you were wrong again”, “don’t make an effort, you are useless for this”, “you are not like you brother”, we store them in our mind and lead us to have a wrong concept of ourselves. Separate the straw from the wheat, do not be guided only by what you have been told, pass it all through the sieve of your intelligence or your heart. If you have been told “you can’t”, add the word “yet”. If as children we receive constant comments such as “what a fool you are”, “you do everything wrong”, “you are going to ruin it”, “you were wrong again”, “don’t make an effort, you are useless for this”, “you are not like you brother”, we store them in our mind and lead us to have a wrong concept of ourselves. Separate the straw from the wheat, do not be guided only by what you have been told, pass it all through the sieve of your intelligence or your heart. If you have been told “you can’t”, add the word “yet”.
To do
Self-esteem is not acquired overnight, nor is it something that everyone is clear about. The stereotypes of advertising or the messages of the gurus will not give it to you, nor will reading 1,000 help books or 10,000 tutorials on YouTube on “how to improve your self-esteem”. No one can save you from yourself, except you. No one can improve how you feel about yourself, only you. If you think that this will change when the circumstances around you change, you are thinking wrongly. You were born with you, you wake up with you, you live and sleep with you, you will die with you: from this point of view, you are alone.
There are many ways to learn to love yourself. Appreciate what you have, where you came from. Do not compare yourself with others, their circumstances are different. The only thing you can regret is stopping doing things for fear of failure or what they will say. If something went wrong, try again. Surely many people appreciate you, that is a great value, but appreciating yourself is the first thing you should do.
You are a very valuable person and the best is yet to come, give yourself the opportunity to experience it.
