You found a man who moves the floor for you. But there is a catch: he already has an engagement.

You don’t care, as long as you’re with him.

Don’t do it. It’s not a good idea. Simply because you are worth too much to be anyone’s second choice.

Two ideas

Sometimes it is not easy to say “no” to the temptation of saying “yes” to what you feel.

Even being “the other” can seem exciting or non-responsible.

Those ideas are only part of the problem.

Regarding the first point, the best ideas of your life will be those in which you can balance what your heart and your brain tell you.

Regarding the second point, although it may be that being “the other” does not imply a responsibility on your part, it does carry an enormous emotional burden, potentially harmful and very harmful.

Why say “NO”

There are many reasons why a woman decides to have a lover: as a response to a situation of weariness and boredom in her current relationship and sometimes as a result of a feeling of loneliness.

It may be that he cheats on you or maybe he is honest with you about the situation, but there are a number of points that you should consider as powerful reasons to say NO to the possibility of being someone’s “second choice”.

1 Mentally you will always compare between how he is with you and how he is with her. That will always be a source of problems between the two and of course, you will not feel good at all.

2 At some point you will want or need him to stay with you, but it will not be possible. Loneliness is not good company when it is unwanted and somehow you are exposing yourself to it.

3 For one thing or another, the situation will never be as you want or need. Therefore, at some point you will feel frustrated.

4 There are many things that will be forbidden: going out together to eat or to the movies and not to mention vacations or important moments. You will always be alone.

5 Between you and him, there will always be a world of lies and concealment. Everything will be secret.

6 In a relationship of this type, it can happen that one of the two becomes obsessed and wants more than it can be. The result: conflicting and toxic moments.

7 Your self-esteem will be on the ground, since you will always feel less than “the official one”.

8 Sadness can be the companion of many of your days, when you want to share something with that person but this person is not, because he is with his family.

9 This type of relationship is a brake on meeting other valuable people who can give you sincere love and a healthy relationship.

10 Being the lover, you are the weakest piece and the least important. The when, where and how they are done. Your wishes do not matter, do not plan dinners or going to the movies, much less a Sunday walk: that is the day of “the officer” and the family.


11 It will always be a relationship based on deception, where exclusivity does not exist. What guarantees you that he, in addition to you, does not establish relationships with other women?

12 For that man, you will never be a priority, but a filler. There’s no hope of a future together and he’ll probably dump you outright if you insist on it. Even though he says he loves you, he belongs to his wife and he is first on his list of priorities.

13 Even if you want to believe his lies, you know they are: when he tells you “I have nothing more with my wife”, it is a big lie. They have a house together, sometimes a business, children, a story, a heritage… that’s nothing and at the time of evaluation, the balance tilts towards one point.

14 You will not have “happy birthday” messages, or anniversary gifts, or congratulations on a promotion at work: everything will always remain hidden from the world’s view. He will always hide you and any notoriety of yours that may draw attention to you will annoy him.

15 Forget planning: you are always at the design of what he says.

16 Many say that lovers do not have emotional commitments, but that is not true. You will learn many secrets, from the confidence generated by the intimate encounter and you will know about their problems with alcohol or drugs, illnesses, their darkest sexual practices, their most hidden weaknesses, their tastes in food. Of course, you will not be able to repeat it anywhere and you will be the repository of many problems.

17 If the relationship is discovered, you will always be “the bad one in the movie”, the one who tried to destroy a family. In this there are no half measures and it does not matter what you feel or think about it.

18 Analyze well the situation in which you find yourself. Why are you in it? Think about whether the supposed “advantages” justify the risk.

19 Do a simple exercise. Imagine that you have a daughter, a sister or a cousin. Would you recommend that she establish a relationship with a married man? If the answer is no… why do you accept it for yourself?

20 Think of yourself: 95% of these relationships end in nothing, leaving loneliness, pain and tears. Maybe you waste your best years, for the sake of nothing.

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