It is natural that erotic dreams haunt our pillow from time to time. We may wake up remembering some very pleasant scenes, so much so that we wish they were real. This is the right moment when we realize that in that dream we were not exactly with our partner. We enter a spiral in which we look for an answer to that dream that goes from being pleasant to mortifying us, awakening guilt for something that never really existed. But there is an explanation beyond blame and it is that if we have dreamed it is for a reason, not because we are going to betray the couple, but because something is not right in the relationship.
Do not think that what is happening to you is because your affection has ended and there is nothing more to do. If you should take it as an alarm signal. There is a problem that is evident in you unconsciously, because you feel needs that you have not been able to identify but that come to the surface through dreams.
It’s not that love is over or passion is fading. Something happens, it is true, but before giving in to feelings of guilt or pretending that dream did not exist, it is time to review what is not working with your partner. Some aspect is not going quite right and that is what you should find out before submitting to the vicious circle of despair.
In search of some explanations
We must, first of all, understand what we are talking about when we talk about erotic dreams, beyond what we have dreamed or with whom we dream. It happens that when we dream of someone who is not the man who accompanies us, the one with whom we long to build a home, a family, we get scared, but in reality that has nothing to do with betrayal, but with a need to break with the monotony and routine in the couple. We need more enthusiasm, motivation, but not only in bed, but in various other areas of the couple relationship that make up that daily coexistence.
Evidence is put on the table that we need a change in some aspect of our lives, not necessarily related to sex. Finding the root of the problem is what you should start doing.
According to Sigmund Freud, father of psychoanalysis, dreams are linked to desires. What happens there is that, if sexual desires end up confronted with moral rules, they are usually repressed and translated into symbols that emerge in dreams.
Although there is no scientific proof in this regard, the theory has gained relevance and is used by some specialists.
Scientifically it is known that the prefrontal cortex of the brain is responsible for managing and inhibiting the desire for libido and aggression. While we sleep, the mesolimbic-cortical dopaminergic systems are activated, activating sexual desires, just when the prefrontal cortex goes into rest. This explains what happens to us when we dream.
Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, a specialist in these issues and author of the book “Why did I sound like that?”, Editorial Best Seller, assures in her research that dreaming about sex causes intense concern and is a trigger for a feeling of being unwell as a result of the Wrong suggestion for thinking that we are betraying our partner with our thoughts while the problem that exists is not that, but is somewhere else that we have not yet been able to reach.
Perhaps we are in a couple in which that person we love, our life partner, has a very intense work life, is very little at home and hardly has time to dedicate ourselves as we would have liked. According to the specialist, what we suffer from is an emotional absence at an unconscious level. Your partner isn’t really with you or isn’t with you when you need to, so that subconsciously translates into the dream you’ve had.
The researcher recommends not falling into the mistake of believing that dreams are part of a superstition and are predicting the future, that your relationship will end badly and that you will surely betray your partner. That is just a popular belief, but it has nothing to do with reality, much less with the problem you are going through. Now you know, if you have erotic dreams with these characteristics, you must learn to take them as a warning, as an alarm signal about your relationship in real life.
Seriously consider what is really happening within that couple that you built with your partner. Analyze your situation and find the problem. You will surely find the common thread that is failing at that moment and once you do, you must work together with your partner to find the solution.
Keep in mind that promoting creativity and innovation in intimacy helps a lot to untie those knots and that monotony that sometimes, in the midst of the daily routine, overwhelms us. Do not forget that it is essential to establish a bond of trust with your partner, where communication, in any situation, is the first thing that both go to when they have any doubts or feel discomfort.
Love can do everything, the key to a more bearable relationship is learning to solve problems together where dialogue and trust are the protagonists of always.