In the world of couples, the relationship possibilities are almost endless: there are those who are looking for something “forever”, but there are those who are looking for something temporary and circumstantial.
Some people do not get emotionally involved in the relationship, favoring the strictly physical over the affective. In this aspect, there seems to be a marked asymmetry between men and women: while men are able to perfectly separate one aspect from another, women tend to engage in a more comprehensive and encompassing way.
Is it possible to reconcile both positions? That man you like, but who doesn’t seem to care about you beyond sharing the bed, can you change his approach?
“He only loves me for a while”, “he is only interested in taking me to bed”, “when we are together everything is perfect but then he walks away”, “he is afraid to move forward”, “he is afraid of seriousness”, ” he’s nice to me but he doesn’t want to formalize”: have you ever said these phrases? Have any of your friends expressed them?
It is a fact that many men seem to “run” from relationships when they get serious. As if it were a hundred-meter Olympic race, they simply disappeared from the scene without a trace.
The question is: is this irreversible? Or is it possible that this relationship takes a new direction? Is it possible that this man ever wants to form a real couple?
Just sex? Or sex and something else?
When a relationship is established, but the man and the woman have different visions of it, we are facing a real problem for the part that wants “something more”.
Many men want a woman for sex and nothing else. They are not willing to create any type of commitment, nor to spend time together: their only interest is limited to what happens between four walls.
Perhaps you have met someone like this and it has cost you many tears and pain to face this situation and you have wondered if he would ever change or if he would continue from here to there, visiting different bedrooms, without settling in any of them.
If you passed or are in this situation, it is necessary to clarify some points. Perhaps you are simply not relating to the right people or it may be that your image or your way of expressing yourself does not exactly reveal your intentions when facing a relationship.
It can also happen that you are not showing what you are worth as a person and you are playing the game and fulfilling the desire of that other person, denying what you want. the
It is possible, of course, that the person who only uses you to have sex has a commitment to someone else. This point is critical and you must really evaluate what you want for yourself and if you consider that being “a second course” is something desirable for you.
You should then ask yourself: Am I desirable for a formal and healthy relationship? Or am I only perceived as a person suitable for a sexual encounter?
“The sexual” vs “the romantic”
Although the human being is a whole, it is possible to speak of different areas.
While “sexual value” helps you attract a person, “romantic value” helps you retain him. You might make it to his bed, but maybe not in his life.
In general, men have a much higher sexual desire than women, at least 10 times more, because they have much more testosterone in their body. Having this strong sexual desire (in addition to cultural factors), they want to try different and exciting things and there is always the belief that when the commitment arises everything changes, that’s why so many men avoid it. Therefore, sometimes moving from one plane to another is difficult: it is evolving from the momentary to the permanent.
If you want that man who is now avoiding something formal to change his mind, here are some tips that will allow you to deal with this situation and eventually reverse it.
– The first thing you should do is take some time and even get away from him, to see his reaction. There is a saying that goes: “the first who speaks, he loses”. If he tries to get back in touch, that’s a good sign. – Presence is not the most important thing, but it is a fundamental aspect for him to want to be by your side. If you show yourself splendid, you will make him see what is lost if he does not know how to hold you. – He always shows those things they have in common and that serve to bring people closer. Do you share tastes in food, music, movies, literature? Maybe they study or work in the same? Those are strong links looking to the future. Sex is great, but in life it is not everything. – Together with the above, you must always be present to talk, especially to listen to their aspirations and projects, besides the things that he likes. Who does not want to be with someone who cares for him and is receptive to his goals and ideals? – Have you ever held a chick in your hand? If you try to hold him by squeezing him, he will want to run away, but if you open your hand, without forcing him, he will stay. Many men find it so hard to give up being single, because few women know how to lead a relationship without being dominant. He learns to be tolerant, so that he is sure that after formalizing his relationship with you, he will not enter a “prison”. – Do not look for problems where there are none: accept that you are not the only woman in his life: he can also have friends, mother, sisters, co-workers (and even his ex). Do not be too jealous, it is usually a big problem that drives many people away. – Be tolerant, he needs to dedicate part of his time to doing something he likes. A couple does not imply being “inseparable” or doing everything together and therefore, they do not have the obligation to take you everywhere they go. Respect his individuality, just as he should respect yours. – Finally, evaluate what you want at this moment in your life. If something doesn’t fit what you want, change it and do what’s best for you.