Does your child tell you that he/she is hanging out with someone? Do you feel your blood pressure rising and are you afraid? Yes, it is a difficult situation for many parents, but do not despair and learn how to cope. Groom? As if she is a baby yet! It turns out that the girl stopped crawling many years ago and eventually learned to walk on her own. The baby, if she hadn’t noticed, entered adolescence and naturally began to be interested in the opposite sex. She couldn’t stay forever in the crib or playing with dolls. The appearance of the daughter’s first boyfriend, for many parents, is usually an event that puts them in trouble.

But, why is there more talk about the first boyfriend and not about the first girlfriend? In rare cases, when a boy says that he has a girlfriend or is interested in a girl, parents become uneasy. On the other hand, when a young woman shows that she is interested in someone, the usual thing is to invade her with questions resulting from future fears and automatically, not always, impose restrictions. Don’t let her panic, because transmitting it to her children at such a delicate moment can ruin any possibility of opening up a dialogue. Next, find out how teenage courtship works and how to react to that first love, which is almost always fleeting.

has its functions

Before judging a teenage relationship, it is necessary to understand that today’s young people do not respond to the same logic as yesterday. Today, a guy can say that he has a girlfriend even though he has only seen her twice and only talked to her through text messages. A boy sees another girl on a birthday, asks her for friendship on Facebook, they talk on this medium, they just hang out for a while and then they break up in the blink of an eye.

So, when you see your daughter holding hands with her boyfriend, giving each other affectionate gestures, your reaction could be to yell: “Get that monstrosity away from my girl!” She takes a deep breath, in case she doesn’t know, she’s acting under the influence of cultural patterns. This stage is a discovery for the young person, as was the fact of learning to speak and write, so do not ruin it with unfounded fears.

“Adolescent courtship constitutes a discovery of new facets that the young people themselves were unaware of until then, it is related to their emotions in the presence of another person (the boyfriend or girlfriend) and how to live with them. They learn to handle jealousy, times, differences. It is the meeting of another world”, explains Rocio Recalde, psychologist.

In learning new emotions, adolescents normally prefer to share these experiences with their group of friends, since they are their references. Of course, this does not mean that parents should ignore this stage, on the contrary, their accompaniment is essential, either with their sons or daughters.

Now, regarding what was previously stated regarding the overprotection of adolescents during courtship, the professional says: “Experience tells me that today there is not much difference in how we accompany boys and girls, although it is probably still as a taboo of things that are not discussed in the family, such as pregnancy. This differentiation is rather a question of gender. We are used to looking at young women as a more vulnerable being for a rather cultural reason, when they have the same tools and resources to function as men. Emotionally speaking, they are much more mature to make certain determinations.”

how do you get on

Teenage courtship obviously will not be the same as an adult. In young people, having a boyfriend or girlfriend, according to Recalde, is related to social pressure, it means being a member of a group in order to

say: “I’m a little older because I already have a boyfriend”. The typical question asked in groups is: “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”.

This constitutes a way of measuring yourself through the relationships that you may have. “Being in a relationship, for the adolescent, is a form of recognition by the group to which he belongs, because he has an experience to tell,” says the professional.

The way teens bond during dating has changed quite a bit with the introduction of technology and the internet. The protocol that was given until a few years ago is no longer the same, such as regulated visits and phone calls. “They are now starting to get to know each other not personally but virtually, usually. It is the most common characteristic of courtship that occurs between young people between 13 and 15 years old. The discovery occurs from digital tools, such as social networks. Of course, in the first place there is a physical attraction and then comes the second phase, in which interaction and discovery through technology begin”, Recalde points out.

Long-distance relationships are also common among teenagers, and social networks are the niche for these fleeting romances. One day you can see in his profile that he is in a relationship and two days later, the situation changed.

Only if you go to a third phase, which is physical contact, the relationship is consolidated, because it becomes more face-to-face. It is at this moment that a real bond is formed and not an idealized one. The scenarios where this last stage takes place are usually the girl’s house, 15-year-old parties or common spaces that are set up to watch movies or eat pizza, for example; and these refer to group meetings. Another characteristic inherent to adolescent love affairs has to do with the fact that “they have a different notion than that of adults in relation to what is public and what is private. Usually their relationships are more exposed due to social networks. Suddenly they meet, they start talking on WhatsApp, after a while they say they’re together, but already with the characteristics of a courtship,

So, the most common thing is that your child meets someone at an intercollegiate, at school or at a 15-year-old party. From there they start talking on Facebook or Twitter, if there is sympathy they go to WhatsApp (at which point you will see them more glued than ever to the phone), or if not sending messages. And after a while, he may tell you that he likes someone or is “going with someone.”

The moment of truth

Whether your child tells you that someone is interested will depend a lot on the type of communication space you have built; the more open, the greater the chances of making him participate in this aspect of his life; the more closed, the less chance he will talk about his feelings and interests.

“When this happens, the conversation between parents and their children is important. Open the possibility of dialogue about how relationships can be, what attracts you to the other person or how you think you could get to know them better. Meanwhile, closing off the possibility of courtship is a way of denying reality and I don’t think age is a determining factor either, it depends on the type of relationship”, the specialist stresses.

To find out what is recommended and what is not, at this delicate moment, the psychologist Maria de Jesus Aranda offers a kind of quick guide.

Remember that once you were also a teenager and “this stage is not easy, because it requires the patience of young people and their parents, clear communication and, above all, consistency on the part of adults. When adolescents feel accepted without conditions, valued and loved by their parents, they will easily accept the directions they give them.

Likewise, it is advisable to talk with the children regarding the fears that they may have, so that they know what the parents feel when they go out on their first date or are dating someone. Once the young person understands these concerns, it is easier to establish a space of trust.

“Many parents, due to their own fears, burden teenagers with prohibitions, the opposite of what they need. In addition, when the son talks with his parents about his relationship, he must be sure that they will listen to him without ridiculing or lecturing him in order to find a constructive solution together, ”says Aranda.

Above all, when they say they are with someone, avoid becoming controlling and punishing. “Yes, parents must adopt a negotiating attitude, being sincere, to establish mutual trust. Trusting your children is the way to gain their trust”, emphasizes Maria de Jesus.

“This is propitiated from the acceptance of the other. Accept the child as another person and not based on what one wants to project onto him,” adds Recalde.

Yes, surely you are afraid, but so is your son or daughter. But the one who is in control is the adult, so act like one and accept the reality that children grow up and need to discover other worlds, in which you can only accompany them, sometimes up close and sometimes from afar.


Previous articleAmazing! A man falls in love in fewer dates than a woman
Next articleA wise woman knows how to ignore intelligently, how to do it?