Have you detected capricious and childish reactions in your partner? Well, with this article you can learn to identify them and cut them off at the root.
While it is true that today’s society exalts certain nurturing qualities in men, we should not confuse that image with that of an immature potential. Next, a specific distinction will be made, so that you can apply it easily. It is relevant to point out that: “a swallow does not make a summer”. This means that we have to take a broad set of behaviors for this evaluation. If your partner repeatedly behaves like a capricious child, despite being over thirty, it is not precisely because it is fashionable. And I think you won’t be surprised if I tell you that it has everything to do with his personal maturity. The question is: Do you recognize where the line is between his childish charms and the selfish adult? Do you know how to react to his manipulations and blackmail when he doesn’t get his way?
In this regard, the last thing you should do is let yourself be trapped by the feeling of guilt or take some kind of responsibility for your actions. And, by the way: don’t expect him to change either (unless he commits) because, although sometimes it seems otherwise, he has already grown. And he’s making the decision not to change.
The origin of the problem
Yes, it is possible to have two simultaneous feelings towards your partner. On the one hand, it gives you wonderful moments, it makes you laugh, it listens to you, you feel loved, etc. Think about the positive you have being in this relationship. On the other hand, every time you see him with the Playstation in his hands, moreover, he doesn’t pay attention to you, not even speaking in his ear, so you may feel that you are with a missing link. Check if these types of actions lead you to feel something deeper, such as: not feeling like their priority, that they don’t help you when you need it, that they don’t listen to you when you talk about something important, etc. Devouring self-help books is common, because you may be looking for a solution. If you are starting to feel desperate about the situation, probably the manuals you read will not help you as much as you hope.
Regarding the above, although this may be one of the factors that greatly influences their behavior, it is not the only variable to consider. Another aspect that often happens in these cases is that you may feel a little hatred towards your mother-in-law, blaming her for the self-centeredness that you observe in your partner, in no case will it make your partner less self-centered.
Because that’s the main problem: men who resist growing up, do so basically because of navel-gazing. That is, they have the need to feel that they always win, that they always do what they think should be done. And, therefore, they look for people by their side who give in to their continuous requests. Just as he was raised by his mother.
According to psychoanalyst Lilian Caballeri, “in the same way that authoritarian men exercise their power openly, immature men seek to exercise power but, generally, from below, that is, by making the person who does not satisfy their needs doubt themselves or by undermining their esteem. Therefore, their strategy is to blame everyone who breathes next to them when they cannot get what they want, and to take responsibility for their mistakes. In accordance with the above, we invite you to bury once and for all the idea that your boy is an adult subject to his inner child. The reality is that he is most likely an adult who deliberately acts without considering what others may feel, not even you.
If you think this is the case with your partner, then you only have two options: either you walk away from him or you learn to survive him.
How to do it right? It all depends on how you react to certain situations.
– Do not let him organize your life.
It’s common for your boyfriend to assure you, “Everything I do is for you,” but actually think, “This way, I can do what I want.” Therefore, do not focus your entire agenda on him: diversify your time instead of being so aware of what he does or says.
– Do not project yourself
We advise you to keep in mind that the immature generally flees for fear of being caught, since he wants to be an eternal Don Juan (under the guise of independence). That is, he wants to continue believing that he is in the market. The above can cause you to often feel alone, even if he pretends that he does not understand it, since he will tell you that he is always by your side (although his outings with his friends may represent the opposite ). You will hardly get an emotional commitment from him.
– Spot you at a glance
The immature are easily recognizable, especially in privacy. Next we will present characteristics that are easy to observe.
First, regarding the emotional part: They have a great fear of loneliness and are insecure, this almost always leads them to secretly measure themselves against hypothetical competitors that you don’t even know; They rarely talk about their feelings –they talk more about their needs–; They are seduced by youth, or obsessed with it; They also assume that their partner must know everything they think, even if they have never verbalized it. In short, they are people who hardly ever focus on giving. They can receive, ask and criticize.
If you are in love or have a temporary relationship with someone like that, do not make the mistake of expressing your anger when you detect that he has not taken you into account for hours. This, psychologists say, makes the immature person infatuated even more, punishing you again with her behavior. Instead of getting angry, we recommend organizing your life around activities that benefit you. Your absence will be a message that he will not be able to ignore for long.