There is a clear truth that applies to both life and sex: the fun is in the variety. When we do something that makes us happy, it is normal that at first we do it very often, and that it gives us a lot of happiness, but over time this decreases, the happiness that it gave us is no longer the same and the frequency with which that we carry out said activity either.

The above, from psychology is known as “hedonistic adaptation”. This concept deals with the process that human beings suffer when we get used to happiness too quickly. It goes without saying that, consequently, we are always looking for new ways to achieve happiness.

The same thing happens with sex. Both men and women, we get bored if we make love with the same person and boredom increases if the sexual repertoire is always the same.

Taking into account the above, it is essential that you can communicate to your partner what you want to do in the following sexual encounters. If you feel like doing something new, something different, then you should say so and motivate your partner to make it happen. If it is that in the part of talking about it with your partner, you feel that you may have difficulties, then we invite you to continue reading this article, since then we quote the sexologist Ava Cadell in Health, who made a series of recommendations guidelines before the uncomfortable or embarrassing situation of having to tell our partner what we want in the sexual area:

1. Bring up the changes in the preliminaries

Try not to propose new positions or games to your partner when you are very close to having sexual intercourse, because if you catch him off guard, you may ruin the moment. It is also not about approaching the matter coldly, since you may also have unexpected reactions of fear, embarrassment or who knows what.

In this regard, we recommend that you propose the changes you want to make at a time when your partner is more receptive to the different suggestions. According to what specialist Cadell affirms, during the preliminaries it can be a perfect moment. When we talk about foreplay we mean when we are having a romantic dinner, when we are kissing with our partner or even when we are on our way to a weekend getaway, or coming back from seeing a movie. That is, it is when we know that we will probably have sex soon, but we are not yet in the previous one.

2. Make it a game

If you are a little worried that your partner will reject all your initiatives, then a good way to propose changes is to ask your partner’s opinion in a subtle way. So, based on Cadell’s recommendations, you can try motivating him to play a game of multiple choices. For example you can give him a choice of 3 options: a dance, a new set or a new position. The idea is that the man chooses one. After this, if all goes well, the husband can do the same. According to what sexology assures, it is a good way to introduce novelties in the sexual relationship, in a fun way.

3. Look for inspiration

Let’s face it, although some of us tend to talk about our experiences in bed, usually after a few months of relationship, we tend to stay with a maximum of 3 positions and often we have a fairly well-prepared routine, which soon ends up getting boring.

If this is your case and you don’t know how to innovate, then it is best to search in books, movies and on the internet. The ideal of this search is that you do it together with your partner, so that you are not the only one who takes the initiative. According to Cadell, watching porn as a couple can be a good option for them to be inspired together.

4. Cover everything with love

If you notice that talking about sexual games can cause a moment of awkwardness in the relationship, then it is very important that before you suggest anything, you tell her that you love her as a person, not just for sex. This will make the conversation easier. If you’re going to have this conversation with a man, then the way to approach it is through the ego, as Cadell explains. A good advice is to tell him that he is a good lover or that you fantasize about him when he is not around, etc.

5. Reflect on the novelties introduced

It is necessary that there is a learning that you can value from the changes that you have been able to include in your previous routine. It is important that you know that despite the fact that the experience may have been a success or a failure, or what is more complicated, that it has been a success for one and a failure for the other, they have to comment on it and have a conversation about it.

It doesn’t make much sense to try and try new experiences without knowing how they felt about it afterwards.

We recommend using the time of closeness that usually occurs after intercourse, to discuss these aspects and look for ways to innovate and improve the way of having sex.

If they have any difficulty talking about sex, this is a good time to work on this and eventually they can talk more freely about it, which will also have the consequence of losing their fear of trying new things.

According to Cadell, it may be that some women feel guilt or shame for enjoying certain types of sex. In this regard, the only way to overcome this is to continue practicing.

Now that we have exposed the recommendations and advice of the expert in sexology, Cadell, then we encourage you to solve this difficulty and that using these tips you can talk more naturally about sex with your partner.

Previous articleConditional love and unconditional love: Differences.
Next articleHow to fall out of love and forget who hurt you