“If you want me in your life, you will put me in it. I should not be fighting for a position” – Frida Kahlo
If you are with a person who doubts his love for you, who makes excuses, who asks for time, perhaps it is someone who cannot love you as you deserve and desire. Love does not create doubts and when a person truly loves, he does not doubt. If you are in a relationship in which you submit your principles and your dignity, you are making a mistake in your love life, because love is not begged, nor is everything left for another person, in a sincere relationship, you do not lose yourself for the other .
Attachment is needing someone else, believing that ‘we are oneself’, ‘with you nothing else is needed’, ‘without you my life has no meaning’, and these phrases only make you get involved in codependent relationships, come to believe that your happiness depends on someone else and being in a place where they don’t necessarily love you sincerely.
True love is something that flows, you do not have to force yourself in any way, nor do you have to juggle so that the other person pays attention to you, both have to have the initiative to get together and form a relationship.
When one has to demand love from someone who does not sincerely reciprocate it, it may be that they end up giving in to the prayers, but there will come a time when that person will get tired of living a lie and will leave without any regrets, because they never felt anything for you and was by your side out of pity.
Never run after anyone, not even yourself. This running after oneself may sound strange, but it happens when you try to run away from what is happening to you or when you let everything around you run away from you. When you start running after something that is no longer there, it means that you are running after yourself, because you have lost yourself in the attempt to recover something at all costs, or someone who has already left, or who was never really there. Always try to look ahead. Have a dream, own goals and work to achieve what we want to achieve. If we run after what we were and are no more, we will never get over ourselves.
If they need you behind, they don’t need you. There are people who want their partner to be behind them, to act as a bodyguard and support if they need it, but they are not willing to do the same. Relationships are based on equality, and couples should not be one behind the other, but one next to the other. Having each other side by side is to support each other and be there in good and bad times.
He doesn’t need you if he doesn’t want you by his side. You need to be aware of yourself, of what you want and are willing to accept in a relationship. Learn to value yourself and don’t let anyone tell you that you are worthless. If you look inside yourself, you will know that it is not the place where you want to be, because you do not feel comfortable, because you suffer more than you enjoy, because you do not remember the last time you were happy and had a good time, because you should not be waiting for that the other person turns around and sees that you are there.
You don’t want to be there if you know he’s not even looking at you. Growing up is learning to mark the direction of your own life. You are the only one responsible for what you give and what you receive, so if you are in a place where they do not value you or give you the same affection that you give, it is in your hands to move from there.
Life is an adventure that is worth living. It is a path full of triumphs, but also of failures and the only ones responsible for us being happy are ourselves, and we must understand that we are not trees so that we cannot move from the place where we do not feel that they are loving us beautifully. To begin with, don’t feel guilty, don’t feel useless or feel incapable. It has happened to everyone to fall in love with someone who does not correspond in the same way, or who lies to him saying yes, but deep down he knows that it is not true. We know that love is the most intense expression that we can feel for another human being, it makes us want to be better people and live life with greater intensity.
Falling in love with someone who does not correspond to us is something normal and habitual, it is part of life and the relationships that we have over time, sometimes we are reciprocated, sometimes we are rejected, at the same time that we have accepted or rejected to another. But when it comes to a relationship, it is painful to reach the moment where we realize that the person next to us does not feel sincere affection towards us. At that moment there may be contempt, betrayals may arise and the question why is he still by my side if he doesn’t really love me? The answer almost always has to do with comfort, with the routine that provides some stability, with having children in common, etc.
This situation is destructive, because one is giving the best of oneself, to find lies and emptiness. The way to react to this situation is different for each person, there are people with more strength and people who have self-esteem problems, which is more complicated, because they feel that a part of their life is being destroyed.
Real love is balanced, you give and you receive. When we talk about love as a couple, we are not talking about universal or humanitarian love, or a love from mother to child that can be unconditional. You give love, you receive love and affection. You give loyalty and you receive loyalty. You give understanding and you receive listening.
If you have realized that you are living where they do not want you, the best thing is to run away, mourn that lost love and emerge victorious. Sooner or later you will appreciate having made the decision to move away from the indifference and indignity that a supposed affective love has given you.