Many women really feel that their husbands are just another child. Instead of being a support to run the home, they are just like children and let their wives play the role of cook, driver, teacher, nurse, maid, coordinator of special events and in charge of discipline. Faced with this situation, many women feel without energy, especially those who work long hours outside the home. This dynamic of the couple becomes a true vicious circle, from which it is difficult to get out and where both members of the couple have the same responsibility.
And perhaps the most serious: the situation is so difficult that it leads to deep dissatisfaction in many marriages, which can lead to failure.
The burden involved in running a home where there are children is great and if it is not shared, it can lead to problems… and much more if the husband himself becomes “just another child.” Did you eat? Did you take your medicine? Don’t leave your clothes lying around! These are phrases that should be addressed to a child, but not to a husband.
And not only that: for many women, in addition to the demands of motherhood, their husband is an additional burden and has an even greater impact on their stress levels. A survey conducted in the United States by Today , where more than 7,000 women with a husband and children were interviewed, found that the average mother rates her stress levels at 8.5 out of 10. 46% of them, or almost half She says that her husbands cause her more stress than her own children.
These are some of the circumstances that are repeated:
– Mothers worry even more, because they do not have enough time in the day to do everything that is necessary.
– 3 out of 4 moms with a partner say that they do most of the parenting and household duties.
– 1 in 5 mothers say they don’t get enough help from their spouse. This unequal burden on the couple becomes a major source of daily stress. It can also get worse: researchers from the University of Padua have discovered that this translates into a noticeable difference in health later on, when one of the partners dies. When the husband loses his wife, her health normally deteriorates, but if it is the wife who loses her husband, they become healthier and cope better with stress and depression.
Researchers think this is because men are more dependent on their female partners.
Research suggests that the poor distribution of tasks and responsibilities in the home between men and women is a source of stress for women and that men are much more dependent on their partners.
The mother expects the support of her partner to take care of the family in the different aspects of daily life: organizing schedules, taking the children to the doctor and to school, doing homework, cleaning and thousands of etc. . But usually this is not the case: even in families where both parents work full time (which is almost the norm today) it is quite common for women to carry all these responsibilities alone.
If you and your partner do not have an even division of chores and responsibilities at home, here are some things you can do to improve the situation:
1- It is necessary that they have a deep talk about it: the first step is to recognize the problem. It is not about blaming and recriminating oneself: the important thing is to talk about what is wrong so that the future is better.
2- Once the situation is accepted as a fact, try to make a list of all the little things that must be done every day and every week, see how you can make things more equitable. Be as clear and precise as possible when discussing the various tasks.
3- Look for a shared calendar system that both can easily access on their phones and computers, so that no one has to worry about forgetting important dates of payments, collections, important events, etc.
4- Encourage yourself to rest more and learn to delegate. There are two sides to this situation: it can be easy to blame your partner for not taking on more responsibilities at home, but many times you don’t fully trust your partner to do some things. You need to learn to let things be done by him, teach with patience and also accept that there may not be one way to do things. Resist the temptation to do everything yourself, value your own rest time, it is essential to recharge and take care of yourself. If that means your kids hanging out with their dad in mismatched clothes, it’s not the end of the world.
5- Do not allow your relationship to enter a pit of boredom and monotony, put a little spark. Children and household burdens can affect the couple and it is very easy to let the relationship go into the background, but this is a big mistake and can lead to greater evils. Nurturing the two love relationship will make a big difference in both the short and long term and will allow for a more intimate communion on all levels. Set aside a set amount of time each week with no kids, no work, no distractions, just the two of you. It can be simply going out for a walk, the important thing is to maintain a strong connection between the two of you, which will help you face the difficult days, those that never fail. Every day, without exception, ask yourself a simple question: how was your day?
6- Maintain a permanent and sincere dialogue, where you can meet the needs of both.
To be healthy, a relationship must be “couple”, as its name indicates.