It can be a new relationship or a love that returned from the past or even someone with whom it would never have occurred to you to have anything.

There are many reasons why a woman decides to have a lover: as a response to a situation of weariness and boredom in her current relationship and sometimes as a result of a feeling of loneliness. Sometimes it is not easy to say “no” to temptation. Being “the other” can seem like something exciting and an experience worth living.

However, there are many reasons that say otherwise.

difficult situation

The reality is usually very different from the idealization that is sometimes made. For example, it is not uncommon for women who accepted to be “the other” to have low self-esteem. They believe they are not worthy of a relationship where they are the only one and not the second in discord.

These women need affection and emotional support and since they do not get it in a healthy relationship, they cling to whoever gives them that feeling, through a hidden and forbidden relationship. They also normally present a marked abandonment in their personal life.

Without touching the moral or religious issue, being the lover of someone who already has a partner has its enormous disadvantages, which you must take into account so as not to suffer the consequences.

· You will never enjoy a complete love, everything is divided and for hours.

· Never ask for more from the relationship, because you will get no for an answer (no more time, more outings, more sex, more kisses or more caresses).

· In front of everyone else, your lover will show and talk about his wife: with friends, in family gatherings, in professional or work settings… he will even do it in front of you! It is as if you do not exist, but nobody knows you or can see you. Your only option is to accept this degrading situation. · Don’t claim “exclusivity”: if he is with his wife and with you… Why wouldn’t he have other companies?

· As a lover, you will know many secrets, based on the trust generated by the intimate encounter. You will know about their problems with alcohol, drugs or illnesses, their darkest sexual practices, their most hidden weaknesses, their tastes in food. Of course, you will not be able to repeat it anywhere.

· As a lover, you are the weakest piece. He will dictate the frequency and time of the meetings, where and how they are held. Your wishes do not matter, do not plan dinners or going to the movies, much less a Sunday walk: that is the day of “the officer” and the family.

· Birthdays, snacks, Christmas, New Year’s, Easter, vacations: special dates will always be spent alone. You will not receive “happy birthday” messages, or anniversary gifts, or congratulations on a job promotion. He will always hide you and any notoriety of yours that may draw attention to you will annoy him. · If you want this hidden relationship to last, forget your feelings and keep them inside you, they are totally secondary. You have no right to cry: you gave it up simply by accepting everything.

· You are not priority, but filler. There is practically no hope of a future together and he will probably leave you alone if you insist on it. He belongs to another woman, even if he says he loves you, even if he has better times with you, even if he sincerely wants to leave his wife: she is his wife and is first on his list of priorities.

· “I am married, but nothing unites us with my wife”. This repeated phrase is false: he has children with her, a house, years of relationship, good and bad moments, a story that will not be erased, even if he leaves her. With you he has the bed and little else.

· Sustaining a relationship of lovers hurts you emotionally, continuously. · You will always be “the bad one in the movie”, the one who tried to destroy a family. There are no half measures in this.

Let’s be optimistic for a moment. Everything checks out, he leaves his wife, they start a new life together (according to statistics, this happens in 5% of cases). Can you fully trust him? What guarantee will you have that he will not do the same to you? If he already did it once… why wouldn’t the same thing happen?

· Coldly analyze the situation: are you with that man for himself or for the situation of being a forbidden and hidden relationship, with the adrenaline rush that this implies? You may be in love with the situation, but not with the person.

Are you with that man out of love or out of competitive pride? Can you assure that after your relationship there is only the fact of showing that you can take that man away from his woman? · In more complex cases, women seeking lovers are trying to resolve childhood traumas, wanting to find their absent father. If you suspect that this is the case, seek professional help, you can cause more damage to yourself, that man, his wife and his children.

· Are you willing to lose time of your life in a relationship with no future? 95% of these clandestine relationships end in nothing and leave only pain and tears. Maybe you waste your best years, where you could meet a person who makes you number one in her life, for having the dubious honor of being “the other” in someone’s life.

· Imagine that you have a daughter (if you already have one, it will be easier for you), you can also do the exercise with a sister or a cousin. Would you recommend that she establish a relationship with a married man? If the answer is no… why do you accept the fact for yourself?

· If you need someone by your side because you are sick or have a serious family problem, will your lover help you? Probably not. · If this man states that he is with you because he has “problems” with his wife and he “solves” them by having a lover… what could happen to you in the future if he decides to leave his wife and after whitewashing the relationship they have a problem? ? Will he solve it the same way?

If you are thinking of being someone’s lover or if you already are, ask yourself these questions.

– Is it worth sacrificing your emotional well-being for a relationship with no future?

– Do you consider it good for you to be the “second course” in a meal?

– Do you honestly think that this relationship will ever go to another level? What facts are you basing yourself on?

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