I wanted to take some time to write to you, the one who was with me to dry my tears and listen to me when the world seemed to be deaf; I write to you, who used to be my companion in my crazy adventures.
You were like my sister, only from a different mother. Everything was perfect between us, but one day, everything ended. Remember when we talked about how much we hated men for lying to us? Who would have thought that you would end up doing the same. But no, this letter is not to claim you, it is to thank you.
I miss you. I miss the text messages we used to send each other about whatever stupid thing was going on in our lives. I miss the way people would ask me where you were when you weren’t with me because everyone knew we couldn’t go out without each other. I miss laughing with you at all our jokes.
I miss sending each other embarrassing Snapchats and our bathroom video calls. I miss that with a single glance we knew exactly what we were thinking. I also miss your family and the way you used to update me on every event that happened to you with them.
I miss knowing that you were always there for me, to support me, no matter how bad the situation could be. I always knew that you would be there. I miss my favorite person, my other half… my best friend. I don’t like people asking me how you are, because I really don’t know. I hate that our conversations that once used to be so natural and seemingly endless are now just filled with awkward silences. I don’t like that your face, the face I was so used to seeing every day and every hour, has become one more in the crowd. I hate that now we can go days without talking to each other and that most of our conversations start with: “I’m sorry we didn’t talk sooner”.
I’m mad at us for letting our friendship turn into this. What happened to us? How come we stopped seeing each other? How could we not realize in time that this was ending? I’m mad at us because we didn’t fight harder for the friendship we had.
We weren’t like most friends. It was a friendship that neither you nor I expected would one day come to an end. It was us against the world, and now we are nothing. I’m upset with us because we let our friendship become nothing more than memories.
I’m sad because I don’t know where to go from now on. I don’t know what to say. Nothing really happened for everything to have changed, so how to fix it? What can I do with this terrible longing for you not to go away? How can I avoid the terrible feeling of knowing that you will never call me anymore? How can we find a solution that restores our friendship with the same ease with which we parted ways? I’m afraid that we can’t fix things and in the end it hasn’t been forever. I am afraid that from now on you will no longer be a part of my life. That when I hug my friends at my graduation, you’re not there. I’m afraid that when I have my first housewarming party in my new apartment, you won’t be helping me with the preparations. That when the day of my wedding arrives, I looked around and in all the crowd your face is not there. But what scares me the most is that you don’t even care about that.
I’m afraid that maybe you haven’t even noticed my absence, or maybe you just don’t care. It scares me to know that you already replaced me. I’m afraid that you don’t remember our friendship as fondly as I do.
That our lack of future doesn’t hurt you as much as it hurts me. I’m afraid you don’t miss me as much as I miss you. However, even if it is not the case, I do not give up hope that one day our paths will cross again, no matter how difficult it seems now. I will never stop worrying about you, nor will I stop wishing you well in life.
In silence I will smile from my place as we move through the world. You will always have a very special place in my heart, even though I don’t have one in yours. I will never stop remembering our friendship with love and I will always say that meeting you has been one of the best things that has happened to me.
I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know one thing: I will never find a friend like the one I found in you. Thanks for everything. I miss you more than I ever thought. I wish you all the best, your ex best friend.