The popular saying says that no one is saved from death and horns. But how to act when the infidel is one? Is it convenient to opt for sincericide or sustain the deception until the last consequences?
If you have already taken the step and cheated on your partner, is it better to keep quiet or reveal your infidelity?
There are those who say that the heart that does not see, the heart that does not feel. Many believe that confessing an infidelity is an act of complete selfishness, which makes the other suffer in order to get rid of the heavy backpack of guilt and somehow clear his conscience. Many times taking care of a deception only causes unnecessary pain in the loved one, so they choose to remain silent. On the other hand, there are those who have the categorical imperative: the consequences do not matter, sincerity is essential for a couple to survive and the unfaithful person has to confess no matter what. The truth is that each couple is a world with its own rules and codes. And at the end of the day in the game of love, there is no magic recipe.
According to a study by the University of Malaga “women tend to have a more intense emotional response to emotional infidelity and a sense of danger in the continuity of the relationship. In men, the focus is usually on the threat to their self-esteem in the face of sexual infidelity.
Another study carried out by IPSOS, indicates that 30% of the population is unfaithful. Of the 824 respondents, 35% of the men and 26% of the women admitted having cheated on their stable partners at some point. The causes of infidelity are many: boredom, the need to increase the ego and feel loved or desired, the desire to have an adventure to break the routine, revenge against the feeling of abandonment, or a way to avoid the problems that exist within. of the couple
Given this, if you haven’t been discovered yet, do you have to open your mouth and confess your slip? “In general, when the other does not suspect it, the best alternative is to remain silent”, says the sexologist Alessandra Rampolla.
The expert defends this position by pointing out that “if it is an isolated event, which will not happen again, confessing it will only cause pain to your partner and you will cause a crack that is often insurmountable in the relationship.”
In addition, Rampolla explains that “if what you need is to clear your conscience because you feel a lot of guilt, what corresponds is that you work on it to overcome it. Confessing it will not make you less unfaithful and it will be very difficult to fix your relationship.
In fact, it indicates that confessing can even be even more counterproductive, since “it is still an act of selfishness in which, once again, you are prioritizing yourself”
When to confess?
Alessandra indicates that “there are two situations in which an exception should be made and tell your partner that you have been unfaithful.” Which are?
If you have had unprotected sex:
“Even if it was only once, you must tell him. It is super unfair that you expose your partner to contracting a sexually transmitted disease”, says the sexologist.
And he adds that “although it will be a very tough situation, and that it will put the relationship at risk, it is the right thing to do”
If your partner knows or suspects that you are already in a parallel relationship:
“Living in doubt can drag anyone to the limit of obsession,” says Rampolla
The expert adds that this will only do more damage to the deceived person, since “he will start checking your phone, your e-mail account and may even follow you. Therefore, put yourself in his place and tell him the truth.”
The basis of a long-term relationship is to reach specific agreements, prior negotiation, and learn to respect them. By itself infidelity is neither bad nor good, it all depends on the context and priorities, on each couple that is a private world. “Human beings have two conflicting needs. On the one hand, expanding our genes, discovering new ways of being, loving and playing. And, at the same time, we tend to want a stable environment, with a partner or family, for life or for a long time. We live in that contradiction
Although taking the first step is not an easy task, it is convenient to talk about the subject “infidelity” at the beginning of the relationship, and establish guidelines, create a pact and agree between the two that it is the best for the couple is always preferable to improvising with a dead man in the closet. The important thing is not to be hypocritical and put the cards on the table so that no one gets hurt.
In any case, it is one thing to talk hypothetically about the matter, but given the case that a case of infidelity has been revealed, for many, betrayal is something they cannot forgive. And we agree that it is very difficult to trust someone who turns their back on you again, but it is not impossible, it is a delicate issue in which each couple has their reasons, to try to move forward or not, many times The relationship can be saved.