Resentment: a negative feeling that can be very detrimental to your psychological health.
We have all come across spiteful people throughout our lives . Whether from a friend, partner or family member. We did not choose the latter, unlike the first two, so we may have to face a complex situation. On the other hand, it is common that when a love relationship breaks down, and due to the intensity of the characteristic feelings of this type of relationship, a great resentment towards the other person appears. At least until we accept the breakup.
The difference between rancor and revenge
Resentment is a type of moral damage, for which we feel offended and want revenge. Emotions such as hatred, anger and the desire to make the other person pay for what they have done to us (or we believe they have done to us) arise.
But is rancor and revenge the same? We could say that resentment is the feeling that we have been hurt, but revenge is when we behave in a hostile way and want the other person to suffer the consequences of having hurt us. Resentment and revenge usually go hand in hand, although the latter does not always materialize.
Characteristics of spiteful people
But what characterizes a spiteful person? How can we recognize these types of individuals? These are the 10 traits or attitudes that characterize spiteful people .
1. They neither forgive nor forget
Spiteful people often say they forgive… but they don’t forget . In reality, they neither forgive nor forget, because if they really did forgive, they would forget. The fact of not forgiving means that what happened is still present and that is why they feel that way. The best way to forget something is to forgive. And forgiveness, although sometimes it is difficult for us to see it, is necessary to maintain emotional balance.
2. They don’t learn from the past
Spiteful people do not learn from the past and remain stuck in the events that have happened to them . Instead of seeing bad experiences as opportunities to grow, they take everything personally, which makes it impossible for them to move forward.
3. They think they are never wrong
These types of individuals think that they are perfect and that they do not make mistakes . They are not very tolerant and too rigid and when someone does not act as they want, they tend to be very harsh with others. We all have the right to make mistakes, it is part of life.
4. Everything is black or white
These individuals move in extremes: either everything is white or everything is black . In other words, there is no middle ground. The good-bad relationship does not always explain what happens in interpersonal relationships, because many variables influence our behavior.
5. They are very proud
As they are uncompromising people, spiteful people are also proud. At the minimum they take it personally and think they are being attacked. That makes them defensive and try to be strong. The truth is that being a proud individual does not have to be an indicator of being a mentally strong person, but rather it is a symptom of weakness.
6. They always want to be in control
Spiteful people are usually people who want to have everything under control. They do not feel comfortable talking and do not accept that others have their opinion and a different taste. As has been said before, they are intransigent and everything has to fit into their perception of the perfect world.
7. They are easily offended
And of course, when this does not happen they are easily offended. Deep down, resentment is a way of not accepting things and, in fact, it may even mask your own insecurities. Resentment is not good since it keeps the wound open for a long time. It is best to accept and turn the page.
8. They always want to be right
But insecurity is also linked to the desire to have everything under control and to want to always be right . Insecure people fear the opinions of others and do not feel comfortable being tested by others. They always want to be right and when this does not happen they do not accept it.
9. Life is a drama for them
When we keep a grudge in our hearts, life is not a pleasant place, because you constantly remember what they have done to you and, instead of overcoming it, you revel in it. Resentful people tend to be resentful towards more than one person and, therefore, turn their lives into a drama .
10. They think they are better than others
As has already been said, resentment can be understood as the non-acceptance of what happened and the feeling that we have been hurt. But it is still the perception of how they have treated us . If we take iron away from the matter, it will hardly affect us. Now, if we think we are better than others and think that only they do things wrong, we are going to give more value than it has to what happened.
everyone can change
If you know someone with a grudge or if you yourself have some traits described, don’t worry . A change of attitude can make you see life in a different light and improve your personal relationships. If you see that you have more difficulties than expected to solve this attitude, you can always go to a psychotherapist who can help you. Source: Psychology