Love is the most wonderful experience of the human being… when it is reciprocated. If it is not, despair, sadness and discouragement invade us. We feel little and we don’t know what to do or why this happens to us. Scientific studies have shown that rejection activates the same pain-sensitive neurons that are activated by physical pain and can trigger the same response in your brain that comes from quitting a drug addiction. Endless questions, probably unanswered, hit you over and over again: Why doesn’t that special person value us? What have we done wrong?

The big question

You are madly in love with someone, you do everything possible to be with him/her, you make an effort to please and help that person, but they are not interested in your love, they do not value you.

Is it possible to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you? Can we control our feelings? It is unpleasant and even harmful to be thinking about a person who does not feel anything for you. You cannot control how you feel, but you can learn to overcome the pain caused by a sentimental rejection, in order to move on with your life.

Here are some tips that will help you if you are in that situation. And if not, pass them on to someone who needs them.

1- The first thing you should do is assume the situation, realize that this person is not interested in you at all. Your friends or relatives, who somehow see the situation from the outside, will be able to help and advise you, because sometimes love does not allow us to appreciate things well.

2- Get away from the person, give yourself some time. Do not deny your feelings or drown them “with music and alcohol”, as the song says. It is normal that you feel pain and have a bad time, but the way to overcome it is not to deny it in some way. Assume that you cannot in any way dominate or control what she thinks or feels: phrases like “I will make her see what I feel for her” are not at all realistic or positive. This distance also includes the different social networks and of course, do not create false profiles to spy. Also, get rid of all the objects that bring back memories, it is a very important step in the recovery process.

3- Look for friends and activities that keep you from thinking about that person: courses, exercises, trips, books, study, etc. They are all activities that will allow you to fill your free time and your thinking.

4- Cutting all contact with that person for a while also implies getting rid of the memories and objects that remind you of them. Keeping them will only make it harder to walk away and forget about you.

5- Phrases like “I can’t forget him”, “I can’t stop loving him”, “I can’t live without him”, “Life has no meaning” are not true and do not lead to anything good. The famous “A nail pulls out another nail” is also not correct: if you are not yet in a position to maintain another relationship, choose to be alone. Sometimes, starting a relationship in situations of emotional instability does nothing but lead you to make mistakes and base yourself on false premises. It can also cause you to unconsciously take advantage of the other person, because your feelings are not clear at the time.

6- Analyze what you really want in a relationship. Make a sincere and objective list of what you consider most important: love, the same values, support, friendship, good humor, complicity, trust, intelligence, personal fulfillment, etc. Compare it with the relationship you have with your current partner: if it doesn’t meet your expectations, why are you with her?

7- You had a life before that person came into your life: you worked, studied, had your circle of friends (or several), family gatherings, etc. Resuming that life will be a very good therapy and can even help you to meet other people in circles of trust. When you feel ready to start a new relationship, do it.

8- Do not hide your feelings, cry if you want to. This action can reduce feelings of anxiety, anger, and even stress. Let off steam, find someone with whom you can talk about what you feel and the moment you are going through. It can be with a friend or family member. It could be a therapist, especially if it’s a long-term relationship and there are many elements involved in the situation.

9- Avoid violence: Yelling, hitting and breaking things may “feel good” at first, but some research suggests that using extreme aggressiveness to express your anger, even at inanimate objects, can worsen your feelings of rage. Focus on doing activities that you like and help you download yourself: make music, read, write, a sport that you like, etc. The most introverted people find it very useful to write about what they think and feel.

10- Modify your routine, take a trip or if it is not possible, change the route you usually go to work or start a course. Trying new things helps to get out of the habit and change habits, because it removes mental schemes.

11- If necessary, seek professional help, especially if symptoms arise such as changes in your eating or sleeping habits, a feeling of hopelessness or inability to carry out daily tasks, pronounced changes in your normal mood, difficulty in controlling negative thoughts or think of harming you in any way.

12- Although it is hard for you to realize it at this moment, think that now you are in a better situation, because you are not with someone who does not love or value you. Letting go of that person, even if it is painful right now, is the most positive thing for you. It is better that you walk away in time and find true love, starting with loving and valuing yourself.

 

Consider this experience, which is now painful, as very positive, because it will allow you to emerge stronger and face life in a better way later on, better understanding your emotions and needs.

Love must be reciprocal; otherwise it’s something else

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