How do you describe the crisis of the 40 in them?
The fearsome crisis, Crisis of the 40s, usually occurs between 35 and 45 years old and the crisis is characterized by the fact that men usually feel the need to do, live, experiment, try, venture into everything that they do not have done, lived, experienced or tasted. They feel that the vigor of youth is already escaping them and they need to prove to themselves that they can still do anything, they harbor a series of unreal and almost fanciful thoughts, there is a voice that whispers to them that it is now or never, as if they believed that life would end later. of the 40. Luckily not all men go through this crisis. On the other hand, the crisis does not distinguish between single, married, educated or not, or any socio-economic level.
Does it affect us too?
The truth is that some women also suffer from midlife crisis, the difference is that the symptoms manifested are different. Women, who usually have their children at this age, tend to remember what life was like before them. Some of us have left a profession, or a dream halfway to raise our family and we don’t regret it for a second, but if when we reach 40 the bug of personal fulfillment appears, the desire to go back to school arises, of greater personal growth , and also to show that we are not just a mother or a cook.
We tell you the symptoms that we must take into account to discover if our partner is going through this crisis Of course not all men manifest all the symptoms, but the most frequent and those that can make us alert to detect this crisis in time are: 1. Greater personal care 2.change of habits, greater sports or social activity,
Being constantly aware of the mobile, receiving messages and getting uncomfortable 4. The decrease in physical contact
– Changes also in sexual contact – Compare the appearance with that of others of the same age. – Be a permanent actor in social networks to always show yourself as a modern and digital type. – Take vitamin supplements, chia, omega-3 and as many pills as promise an active vital state. – Feeling that there is still time to learn to play drums, keyboards or guitars with a clear desire to rock. – Extravagant or unnecessary purchases
What are the possible causes?
As with the symptoms with the causes, it happens that although there are many very detailed and studied, they are not always the same for everyone, each man has two or three basic causes. In general, one of the most frequent causes is the belief that they are already closer to the end than the beginning of their lives, or in other words, you feel that they have reached a ceiling, that it is now downhill, that the road to old age is a misconception since the current expectations and quality of life prolong the state of youth and therefore the ability to fulfill oneself as a person, everyone has their time, if one is not satisfied with any aspect of their life, be it personal, financial or professional has plenty of time to correct course, another frequent cause is the death of a friend or family member who reminds them of their finitude, monotony in the couple, low self-esteem in him, depression, not having the ability to share his emotions and fears, blaming the couple, too many occupations and little leisure, etc… It is common to find that men in this stage (between forty and fifty), associate youth with freedom, adrenaline, emotion, fun and begin to observe that their lives are far from this. The door is then opened to boredom and disinterest in the life you lead at the moment. In the short term, these experiences awaken a number of emotions that make them think that they have returned to being the same as before, going out with friends and doing activities typical of early ages makes them feel pleasant. However, in the long term it can become a conflictive situation in the marriage;
How can it affect the marriage?
The crisis of the forties poorly faced, can be reversed into a threat to marital stability, as long as it is a relationship that is not in the best previous conditions. If generosity does not progress in the dynamics of conjugal love, the sacrifices required by the home become more and more costly. When you begin to put your heart in things outside the family, such as professional success, a young and nice colleague, the group of friends or buddies… the light of the refuge that should be the family home goes out and they get colder warmth, tenderness, love and thus the marriage suffers, it becomes empty and a vicious circle is generated that leads them to seek strong emotions, which will always be selfish and superficial.
How can we help our husbands?
First of all, what we must do is decide what we want to do. Analyze the circumstances of our own life and partner, to be able to make a firm decision. If we decide that we want to help him, if we want to recover our relationship, it is necessary to assume that even though we do not realize it or do not want to admit it, we have a part of the responsibility, but that not everything is our fault, that the basic problem is not us, but that if we can be the solution if we take the necessary steps and act intelligently. We help ourselves if we stop listening to those people who comfort us as if we were their victims. We are adults, and we are both suffering. It is essential to be clear that he is not doing this to us, It is not personal, it is the first step to be able to help you, suffering much less. Being positive, thinking positive and assuming that no matter what happens, life goes on and it is our responsibility to continue living happily, for ourselves and for our children, you can help him by applying common sense, with a good dose of dedication, loyalty, patience and good communication although, on some occasions it will be opportune to resort to a person outside the marriage to help them.
The crisis of the 40 is not easy but if they manage to overcome it as a couple they will be very strengthened.