Have you ever wanted to change your partner? It is normal to say that we want or love our partner and that we accept their defects and virtues, but in certain situations that we do not like, we may have the intention of asking them to change. It is true that many times the relationship would be easier if our partner could reduce certain behaviors a little, perhaps we imagine that we would have fewer conflicts, that we would not have to live certain experiences, etc. If you are faced with the dilemma of having the intention of accepting your partner as he is, but you also think that they would have less conflict if he could change, then we invite you to continue reading this article.
When you are in a couple, you should try to ensure that both members of the couple maintain their personality and that situations do not arise in which one of the participants feels that they must radically change their way of being. It is no secret to anyone that putting our partner between a rock and a hard place, telling him that he has to change his personality or that we simply cannot continue with the relationship, is a big mistake.
Has it happened to you that at the beginning of the relationship everything seems perfect? That is to say, we do not see any flaw in our partner and perhaps without realizing it, you have changed parts of your character or your behavior with the aim of making the relationship more fluid and that there were no conflicts.
When we finish the previous stage, of falling in love, during which an effect is produced that is momentary, during which we can really be blind to the defects of the other, but after a short time, when this period is over, that is when we begin to see the defects that do not seem to us of our partner. And it is at that moment where we often insist on changing the way of being of our partner, behavior that can lead us to wrong behaviors. So for you to avoid these ducts, here we expose what they are and how they are done:
1. To think that he would change for you.
If you think that your partner should change so that the relationship does not end or conflicts decrease, this is a big mistake, because people should not change for someone else, but for themselves, by realize that with their behavior they have consequences that are negative for their lives. Another alternative is for your partner to realize the benefits of changing their behavior.
We know that unconditional love is very difficult to achieve, but conditioning love with the fact that the other changes his personality is a mistake. At the same time, if you are constantly showing the other that you want a change, it is the same as telling him that he is not as valuable as he is. This can bring you problems in your relationship because it can cause the other person to not feel valued.
2. Make the switch forcefully.
If you think that during the relationship it is normal to force your partner to change so that he meets your expectations about how the relationship should be and the person who is with you, then you are completely wrong, this should not happen in love.
Think that by wanting to impose a change on your partner, you are totally robbing him of his freedom, you make the relationship tense, because your partner really does not want to change but does not want to lose you, so the fact of having to choose between those two bad options, of course it produces discomfort.
The deepest situation that occurs is that your partner suffers because he thinks you reject him and you suffer because he is not as you would like.
3. Think you must change.
Another big mistake is thinking that your partner has something wrong, when in reality his characteristic is neither good nor bad, you simply have to see why it has a negative effect. Nobody tells you how you should be, and if he tells you, he is also wrong. You should always keep in mind that the two are different people and that it is each one’s decision to change or not and to what extent. It may be that they agree on some things, but that decision has to be made together and both committing to change.
The idea of ​​being in a relationship is so that the relationship is a contribution to the lives of both, so your relationship is in danger if suddenly it is something that is not contributing to you or if it even it is damaging.
4. Damage your self-esteem and confidence.
If it is that as a couple you are constantly pointing out what your partner should correct and if you often comment on their defects, even if you don’t want to, you will end up damaging their self-esteem and confidence. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they are criticized, so it is likely that the person will decide to end the relationship.
A sign that you are criticizing your partner too often is when your partner restricts himself from doing certain things when he is with you, it means that he does not feel comfortable being wrong around you. The above is not convenient because it is producing a tension in the relationship.
To summarize, try not to force your partner to change aspects of their personality that you don’t like, accept that each person brings different things to the relationship and that we must learn to have a close relationship with the other person, despite the fact that there are details. that we don’t like and that we have to learn to get around. In fact, these same behaviors can help us change ourselves. So stop putting pressure on your partner and give them the freedom to be how they want to be, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your own freedom.
