In sex, anything goes, as long as the people involved agree and are not harmed.

An immense number of couples find pleasure in “classic sex”, in the tranquility and intimacy of their home and in the comfort of their room and bed.

However, sexuality as a couple offers a wide range of possibilities, which depend on each person and each couple, and range from incorporating toys, having intimate encounters in prohibited places, inviting a third party and even rough encounters.

Among the wide variety, “vanilla sex” has lately prevailed, popularized in the famous movie “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Conventional or boring?

Vanilla sex is the name that, in the field of the BDSM subculture (forms of sex that implies submission, sadism and masochism) is applied to the so-called “conventional sex”.

And what is “conventional” sex? In general, it is the name given to sexual behaviors that fall within the range of “normality” for a specific culture or subculture. It almost always refers to sexual behaviors that do not include sadomasochism, submission, paraphilias, fetishism, etc.

The term is also used pejoratively, indicating a “little daring” or “boring” sex.

It is necessary, however, to make some clarifications.

Suppose a long-time couple decides, in order to escape boredom or monotony, to resort to more “playful” sexual practices: intimate encounters in unconventional places, the use of sex toys, role-playing, etc.

At first they experience an increase in sexual desire, they feel closer and excited, they manage to rekindle the flame of passion.

But, at some point, one of the two (or both) begins to yearn for more conventional sexual practices, so they decide to return to the classic ways… and they enjoy it.

What’s wrong with that? Nothing, because finally what is sought is not to become “sex artists”, but that this is satisfactory, exciting and useful to bring the members of the couple closer together.


Vanilla sex is simple, sweet, safe, and predictable.

It’s like going to the ice cream parlor: there are many flavors, some sound very exotic… but you want to go to what you know you like, so you ask for vanilla. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with that, it is a simple matter of taste.

If you have seen “50 shades of Grey”, you will surely remember what this practice consists of, characterized by its simplicity and full of affection, attention and tenderness.

“Vanilla sex” emerged as a form of protest against trends such as sadomasochism, bondage and other practices that are out of the ordinary, heading for forms of “hard sex”.

Unlike “wild” intimate encounters, where all kinds of techniques or sexual objects are used, “vanilla sex” sticks to love and the most basic positions such as “missionary”, “doggy style” and others. but they do not require further complication.

What is mainly sought is that both members of the couple can connect in a more intimate way, through caresses and privileging the emotional approach, where the comfort and enjoyment of the other is the most important thing. If you like the classic missionary and you like it when he is up and you are down, then there is nothing wrong with that: the important thing is that you and him enjoy the meeting.

Some of the advantages of having this type of “vanilla” or “conventional” sex are:

– Reunion with the couple

Many times couples seek to get out of the routine and ordinary sex, but after trying other more “rough” techniques, returning to “vanilla sex” is a good way to reconnect emotionally and spiritually.

– Comfort

By practicing simpler positions, you have greater comfort. It is also the best option to reach orgasm, since there is more agility of movement and the woman enjoys a deeper and more intense penetration.

– Desire

By having many more soft and tender caresses, the woman feels more desired and loved. The man has the opportunity to caress her partner, very slowly to arouse her and bring her to orgasm with a large dose of tenderness and love.

Don’t hesitate to return to ‘vanilla sex’, because the conventional also has its points in favor and fosters a much more intimate bond with your partner.

As long as the enjoyment of both members of the couple prevails and there are no complaints or damages, everything is fine. The important thing is that the relationship does not fall into monotony: if the traditional begins to seem boring, it is time to experiment with new things, but when these begin to be “more of the same”, there is no problem in returning to what excites.

There is no “good sex” or “bad sex” per se: what matters is what it makes you feel and what function it fulfills in the couple.

vanilla with surprises

“In variety is pleasure”, goes the saying and in sex it can be applied.

Every once in a while, surprising your partner can make a big difference, and a few small actions can add a little “chocolate” or “caramel sauce” to your “vanilla sex.”

These are just a few tips:

• Take the initiative, especially at a time when he doesn’t expect it. • Sometimes we forget the power of caresses, which can be a big mistake, since they are very motivating and exciting. When they are in bed watching television for example, start stroking his arms, his chest, his legs and gradually increase the intensity. • Sex is not just penetration, eroticism is essential. Play with him, discover how he reacts to your caresses and your kisses, look for the most sensitive side of him. And don’t forget that not only the genital area is an erotic zone: discover the other “magic” points on your lover’s body. • Gradually toys and other erotic elements can be included. The important thing is that both of you always feel comfortable with the changes that are being introduced.

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