Old waters… we say, but after a breakup, a strong desire to get back with that person with whom we once shared everything can resurface. But beware, you could feel this desire for many reasons that do not necessarily include love.
According to experts, we should seriously think about the decision to get back with our ex, and ask ourselves a lot of questions before trying again.
But why go back to an old relationship? What leads many people to return with their ex-partner?
That damn custom…
Breaking up with someone not only means to stop seeing that person, but also that I no longer know the routine that was established: schedules, outings, shared tasks, meals and all the little details that are part of a relationship. .
Those things, big and small, with which it is difficult to end a relationship and also explain, on many occasions, these returns with the ex-partner, since starting from scratch is something that is difficult and scares us, life changes a lot when we are no longer in a relationship.
Returning to the known is a reunion with our comfort zone and that is why it is so attractive to many people.
Why do we want to return to the known? The answer is simple: because the new is always a bit scary and we prefer, albeit unconsciously, to go back to what we already know and is familiar to us and return to routine.
The person we were with gives us the security of returning to what we already know (although, curiously, many times these turns are given with the promise of a change) and therefore, it is preferred to a “jump” to what we already know. a stranger. We already know how he reacts when that person is angry, sad or happy. It is a commitment to safety, it is not in vain that they say that man is an animal of customs.
doubt and confusion
Other reasons for returning to an old relationship is because, at first, fear makes us doubt if the decision to end was the right one, there is the fear of having lost the love of our life.
It is normal then, that this fear is transformed and we return with the person to confirm if our decision was correct, wishing to definitively dilute the feelings for him.
It is also difficult to give up the plans that had been made regarding the future: the return can be understood as an attempt to recover that life project.
What we say
When someone is consulted who has gotten back together with their ex-partner, they can mention reasons such as “I still love him/her”, “I cannot live without him/her”, “I will never find someone like him”, “he was my soulmate”, “I am sad”, “I can’t imagine life without him/her”. Actually, behind these explanations you can see a need for company and even a desperation not to face loneliness. A relationship restarted for these reasons may not end well.
When to come back?
However, not everything is “NO”: there are cases in which a return could be considered.
For example, if the breakup was due to a hasty decision or in the middle of an argument, in which not much reasoning was involved, it may be worth a second chance, provided that the points to be resolved are clarified exactly. Also the interruptions that occur due to specific circumstances (and sometimes outside the couple) such as a trip for example and whenever there are strong feelings, should not be cause for a definitive separation.
You also have to assess whether the relationship had many redeemable things to fight for and the issues under discussion are few in comparison. Of course, it is necessary to have a frank and sincere talk to put aside misunderstandings and enhance what is worthwhile.
A relationship is based on honesty, respect, trust and communication, if these four elements are present, it is undoubtedly worth fighting for.
The presence of one or more children is always a fundamental aspect to evaluate. If the couple’s relationship was positive for the children, it is a point in favor of returning; On the other hand, if it was bad, it is definitely a factor that would tip the balance towards a definitive separation.
In all cases, a rational analysis of the situation is required, as well as a sincere analysis of feelings.
How to return?
Avoid contact for a while
The most prudent thing is not to see each other and not to harass the man or woman with whom we live a love story. If the encounters occur, the person who has been “hooked” may suffer and never recover. In addition, it may happen that one of the two wants to remain “as friends”, take your time and order your thoughts and emotions.
mature what has been lived
Get the partner back to make the same mistakes? Or, on the contrary, recover the other with the changes that relationship needed? This new opportunity has to entail new behaviors.
Take a careful look
A prudent trial must be done to know where the other is, if he is emotionally recovered, if he is with another person, it is not a question of going blindly to open our hearts and old wounds. It is necessary to evaluate the certain possibilities that it is feasible to return.
If your ex has remade his life
Avoid the huge mistake of believing that you still have rights over him or her. You cannot claim spaces that now correspond to the new person who occupies your life. Although many years of relationship have been shared, that does not give permission to enter the other’s territory.
Redefine the new relationship well. If the relationship eventually comes back, talk about everything that went wrong or missing and establish a new foundation. One does not return with his former partner to the same thing, he returns to form good and better things.