The theory of the other half, of a love destiny marked by fire, is very romantic, but not very real. As anyone who has fallen in love knows, you don’t choose who you fall in love with. How many times have we ruled out a perfect candidate on paper but who fails to motivate us enough? How many times have we wondered why? The psychologists Ciara Mollina and Lara Antiquino have just published a book called ‘Sex sense, lived sex’, in which they talk about relationships, sex from a biological point of view and knowledge, but also emotional. And in this book they propose 4 theories to explain why that interesting man does not interest us at all or interests us too much. There are two basic components that determine it: the biological, based on the chemical reactions that occur in our body and mind, and the psychological, which is related to our system of beliefs, tastes, experiences, desires, etc. From there, and taking into account these components, there are four theories about the reasons why we fall in love with a certain person:
1. Theory of the biochemistry of love.
It is related to the activation of a whole series of hormones and neurotransmitters, such as serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, etc. that activate our center of pleasure thus producing a fantastic sensation that makes us feel full. It is given abruptly, it is not chosen. To this we add that when we fall in love our frontal cortex is disconnected, the one involved in the reasoning process, and leads us to that state of feeling that we are crazy in love. Within this biochemistry, pheromones play an important role, which are substances that are secreted by the glands located in the lips, armpits, and English and that are captured through the smell. These substances provide genetic information about the person to whom we feel attracted and determine if they are compatible with us or not.
2. Family similarity theory.
We tend to look for people who remind us of our parents or people who have raised us, because these similarities give us security and confidence. There is a very pleasant feeling of affinity, as if we had known each other all our lives.
3. Correspondence theory.
This theory states that at the time of falling in love, having shared experiences similar to ours and having similar values ​​and tastes has a very important weight, since everything becomes easier when it comes to understanding each other.
4. Theory of admiration.
Can admiration be transformed into love? When we find in another person virtues, aspirations and aptitudes that we have always wanted for ourselves, we feel more attracted to them. In a way, it inspires us to get where we would like to be from an emotional point of view.
belief system
But love, this expert concludes, is not only biochemistry, “because although our feelings depend, as we have just seen, on brain activity and the chemical action of neurotransmitters and hormones, there are other conditions that favor falling in love with one or the other person”. «We are social beings and as such we relate to each other at all levels, even when we fall in love. Love is an emotion that is expressed through a feeling and is channeled through an action that is consistent with our thinking (belief system). So we tend to look at people who are related to our way of seeing life or our tastes, that which makes us feel fulfilled. One thing is the instinctive (chemical) reaction over which we have no control,
